First Friday

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A man in a taxi taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screams bloody murder, loses control of the cab, and swerves onto the sidewalk before stopping just inches from a lamppost. After checking to make sure the passenger is ok, the driver says,"I'm  sorry,but you scared the daylight out of me." "sorry. i didn't realize a simple tap on the shoulder would freak you out so much," the passenger says.  "it's not your fault," replies the cab driver. "Today is my first day on the job after 25 yrs of driving a hearse."

worries of the accountant

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Worries of the accountant

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.

    “I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. But mainly,I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.”

     “Excuse me?” the accountant said “I worry about a lot of things,” the man said. “But I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.”

     “I see,” the accountant said. “And how much does the job pay? “I’ll start you at eighty thousand shillings a month!” the accountant exclaimed. “how can such a business afford a sum like that?” “that,” the owner said,” is your first worry.

The new employee

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The new employee

 Several weeks after a young man had been hired; he was called into the human resource manager’s office.

“What is the meaning of this?” the director asked. When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. How we discovered this is the first job you ‘ve ever held.” “well,” the young man replied, “in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.”

stick up

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Stick up

A thief stuck a pistol in a man’s ribs and said, “give me your money.” The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said,” you cannot do this I’m a member of parliament.” The thief said, “In that case, give me my money!”

prepare the boss

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Prepare the boss

A sales man assigned to secure an important client but failed in his mission. He faxed his secretary and asked her to break the news indirectly to his boss his notes read, “Failed in securing client, prepare the boss.”  He received the following fax from his secretary: “The boss is prepared Prepare yourself.”

interview in the bank

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Interview in the bank

An executive was in quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, either Debra or jack. It would be a hard decision to make as both equally qualified and both did excellent work. He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go. Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take a couple of aspirins and said, “Debra, I’ve never done this before, but I have to lay you or jack off.” Debra replied, could you please jack off? I have a terrible headache.

habitual mistakes

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Habitual mistake

An employee walks into the office of his boss and says, “What is the meaning of this. I have been paid $ 200 less than what was decided upon.” The boss replies “I know about it, but you did not complain when we paid $200 extra by mistake last month. “Yeah, I can bear with occasional mistake but when you make it a habit I think I need to report.”